May 3.0

The summer officially started. The sun is shining. I can leave the house at 2000 wearing a T-shirt. Yesterday I spend the whole day spring cleaning our house and garden. I did 75 minutes of Kundalini Yoga. I am listening to Chaton, and I feel really good.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about love. Thinking of all my relationships that involve love, to my husband, my children, my other family (the one I was born into), my friends, music, my garden, the trees, grass, earth, wind, coffee etc.

For me, love manifests in a lot of different ways. It is just a feeling, maybe the easiest way to explain it, is when I feel utterly contente. It is something that happens within me, I feel warm, giddy and light.

I finally understand why the saying says, that we can only give from a full cup. I might even say, that we can only love once we learn to love ourselves.

I used to search for love outside of myself. As if the world owed it to me. An example, is that I was happy, but oooooh, I was also super jealous. This thing, this part of me manifested in a lot of ways, not only in my romantic relationships. But in all relationships. If people didn’t give me what I thought I deserved I would turn into the Hulk. But internally. Most of this happens inside of me, on the outside, I am smiling.

I think the changing point happened when someone told me that I should focus on loving myself. The easiest way to start is to focus on little things that make your mundane a bit sweeter. I started with putting eucalyptus essential oil drops in the shower, to turn my showers into mini spa moments. I still remember how such a small change to my everyday, made such a big difference emotionally. It was the turning point to taking care of myself.

That was just the first step, there were a mountain of steps after that. But I think I am finally reaching the peak. When I look down at the path behind me I see how much I have grown. I have learned to put myself first. To love myself and to stop rating my worthiness on how much love I receive.

Life happens. Life is cyclical. But at the point that I am in now, I know that I am happy with myself, and proud of who I am.

And I think that we are missing the point. We always put the blame on others. We talk negatively about other people, and sometimes we even have misfortune for others when they succeed in something.

We should focus on ourselves.

Work on ourselves.

Love ourselves.

I think we stop (or reduce) talking about others, or blaming others, or seeing faults in others for our misfortunes, when we start working on ourselves. What makes us happy? What brings us joy?

I hope that once I reach the peak, then go back down on the other side, I won’t forget this. I have been climbing this mountain since 2017, trying to focus on myself, and I think I can confirm that learning to love myself has changed everything.

Learning to love myself has made each and every one of my relationships better, it has also made me realize that not all relationships are made for me. I had to let go of a lot. But feeling light while reaching the peak is worth it. Life happens, life is cyclical, so I wonder what weight I will decide to take with me when I go back down the mountain.

But no matter how heavy everything becomes, I know that I can always find the way back to love.

And to end the newsletter with the usual…

Below is what healed me, kids stuff, and this is it.

This is it:

This veil is IT. It is so beautiful! It’s from “Super Yaya”. I’m trying to convince myself that we don’t only need to wear veils for weddings…

What Healed me:

this week we what healed me is writing my declaration to love.

Kids Stuff:

We needed to get a phone for the kids. It was important for us to get one that they could also take out of the house. Since more and more, they have activities that are outside of our town, and they want to start going and coming home by themselves. I also just wanted a phone that is always at home, so when my hubby and I are not at home, the kids can still contact us. We decided on this one, and I am super happy with it! (Yes I wrote the sim pin on the phone, since the first time the phone was in use, the kids put it off by accident and couldn’t put it back on because they didn’t know the pin!)

It was funny, I thought it would be really easy to use, but these dumphones are not as user friendly as the new smart phones. Luckily, kids learn fast.

as always,

much love

Susan