Initiations

I actually wanted to share a good night mediation that I wrote for children. But first I want to tell you why meditation is so important to me.

My meditation practice started during the birth preparation of my first pregnancy. I was 5 months pregnant, and after visiting the gyno, I had to go home immediately with one subscription: bed rest. I was only allowed to shower 1x week (since I was not allowed to stand up), and during my last month of bed rest, I had to inject myself daily to prevent blood clots.

Before that moment, I was someone that did not like being alone, and especially not alone at home! I was always out and about. Always surrounded by people, and maybe always a bit disconnected. I would even go so far, to say that I defined myself by peoples reactions of me, and till today, I loop back into this dynamic (the latest example, is if I share my work with someone, their reaction becomes more important than how I feel about it).

It used to be worse, for example when I told a story. I didnt think people would take me seriously, so I told the story in someone else’s perspective. Instead of saying “I think this xx” I would say: “I have a friend that thinks xx”. How weird is that? I didn’t believe in myself and/or didn’t have the courage to “stand up” for what I believed in.

Taking the time to be with myself changed that. Taking the time to understand myself changed that. Taking the time to love myself changed that…

So back to pregnancy, I was catapulted from one extreme of not being with myself into the other extreme, of being forced to be with myself. I was alone when everyone else was in the office, and on the weekends, I remember telling people that they don’t need to be with me, because I didn’t want to “ruin” their weekend. Looking back, I really dont know why I did this. Why was I so focused on acting strong, in a time when I felt the most fragile? On the other hand, being “strong”, also helped me during that time. I was stuck in a tunnel, and the only thing that I could do, was go through it. So I tried to make the best out of it: I watched the first 6 seasons of Game of Thrones, I listened to loud music, and I meditated.

I was stuck, but mediation let me move. It let me travel. Travel into space… travel to the center of the earth… and travel to myself. I was even able to travel to the future, and I did this daily, by imagining exactly how my birth would be.

Looking back, I realise that meditation (and my family) was my light at the end of my tunnel.

Looking back, I wouldn’t have changed anything. I needed that initiation, because it was a gift. The gift of realising (this will sound cheesy) but the gift of realizing the power of my mind. Through meditation I imagined exactly how my birth would be, and every little detail happened. My mind let me stay calm through pain, my mind let me fall asleep in seconds when my body was recovering in-between the pushes, my mind let me stay aware of the whole situation even though I was “out”.

I guess everyone has different lessons in life, different tunnels, different passageways, and different lights.

Meditation was my light, and since then I have always been fascinated by it. Fascinated by how these little stories can warp time, change perspectives, and transform us into a state of calmness.

much love

Susan